Ourfuturz.co.uk

I will be 48 tomorrow. I was born in 1964. My dad was raised in a Catholic orphanage. He was the second youngest of 11. His mom died giving birth to his sister when he was 3. His dad (a German immigrant) couldn't raise them all by himself so the youngest 5 went to the orphanage. My mom was the second oldest of 5 kids of a high school history teacher and a dairy farmer. My dad was 11 years older than my mom. They met in the summer of '63 and married in October. I was born 9 months later. When I was 14 my dad was diagnosed with a personality disorder. By this time I had 2 younger sisters and both my maternal grandmother and my father were alcoholics. My dad started abusing me at 10. At 12, I was packed and ready to run, but stayed so that he wouldn't hurt my sisters. When I told my story to my mom, dad was arrested. It was 1978. A janitor at the prison recognized my father and snuck into the file room to find out why he was there. He went down to the local tavern and told everyone. By the time I went to grade 9 in the fall, everyone knew. Needless to say the next 4 years were hell. University wasn't much better. I bounced from abusive relationship to abusive relationship. In the summer of 1986 I followed my family west. I confronted my mother with the blame for my abuse, she threw me out. I met a guy and we hooked up. He treated me like a princess. And I got pregnant. I left that one when he cheated on me with a 14 year old (he was 26). I moved back to mum’s and met a very nice guy. Met in November, started dating in December, engaged in February and married in July. He adopted my son. We lasted 3 years. Then I dated a guy for 5 years and he cheated. Started dating my second husband. I was diagnosed and treated for depression. I also had uterus problems. Turned out that I had miscarried and not realised. A year after surgery, I got pregnant on the pill. I was 37. By this time I was also taking codeine for my constant pain. I didn't know it was harmful - I bought it at the pharmacy - I just knew it worked. My psychiatrist lowered my dose of my antidepressant because there were no studies done on pregnant women that would let them know how the fetus would be affected. I was taking- at the time it was a new drug - only around for 5 years. In addition to watching the towers fall on 9/11 I had a Black Labrador jump on my stomach while I was pregnant and I developed In January 2002, I was forced onto medical leave. At 32 weeks I went into labour. I was in the hospital for 3 days, steroids being pumped into me to strengthen my angel's lungs in case I delivered. By the third day they got the labour stopped. I then suffered(false labour) for 7 more weeks.nearly every night. My angel was born on March 13 after 11 hours of labour. After 8 hours I couldn't take the pain anymore and asked for a spinal. My son had very highscores. We were home in 24 hours. He was very, very strong. He pulled himself to standing the first week holding his dad's fingers. Mydose was quadrupled after the birth. I nursed. My mother in law became a fixture in our home. My son continued to be strong, climbing a baby gate at 7 months and pulling a door off it's hinges. Constantly arguing about feeding, sleeping everything. At 5 months I returned to work. My MIL tried to stop the nursing and the bottles - she was trying to put him on table food. I fired her. I hired a friend who had also had a son in March. She watched my son, her son and a third child in my home for 6 months. I quit my job as too stressful and fired her. My husband came home one day in February to find the sitter asleep on the sofa with her son. The 3rd boy asleep in the playpen and my son screaming in his crib in his room. I got a new job and my MIL came back to baby sit. She started force potty training at 13 months. The battles continued. My son had minimal contact with other children. When he was 3, I enrolled him in playschool. It was the playschool teacher who requested coding. My son had a volunteer aide and coding would ensure a paid one. Without the aide my son would have been kicked out of playschool. By 4, I had fired my mother in law again. The first sitter quit because my son was too aggressive with the other kids, the second did the same after my son pushed a baby down a flight of stairs. My husband was picking my son up at the sitter's and my son ran into the back alley. My husband grabbed him, put him in the truck and called him a "little f*cker" - in front of a CPS worker. CPS came to our home and came back every week for 6 months. At this time I had no psychiatrist because mine moved away with no referral doctor. CPS got me a new one. CPS knew that things weren't right but never saw any abuse (per se) so they left things alone. My son started kindergarten. I began to lose my mind. I was still battling my MIL, and my husband. And I knew my husband had cheated on me in 2005, 2006 and 2007. These were the ones he told me about. I witnessed my MIL backhand my son into a snow bank. I fired her again. I snapped in March of 2008. My husband was cheating again (this time I was encouraging him because I was mentally ill). I left my husband. He told my son (5) that mommy was making him leave. I went 11 months without dating. Starting dating a guy who cheated on me in the first 6 weeks. Then started dating my current boyfriend in June 2009. My son's father has had at least 6 girlfriends in the last 4 years. My son's diagnosis at 3 wasODD. At 6 this was changed to include We were recommended for the Trauma Attachment program at the beginning of Grade 3 but could not attend. We started attending at the beginning of Grade 4. By moving to the TAG program we got a new doctor/new therapist - a whole team. Current diagnosis is dysthymic disorder and We have the support of 2 psychiatrists, 2 therapists, FCSS (Family and Community Support Services) and FSCD (Family Support for Children with Disabilities). With the help of my son's first psychiatrist, I filled out the forms required to have my son declared "disabled". He is coded 42 at school. He is very intelligent and I have been told that he would be classified gifted if not for his behaviours. I'm all out of steam here. But I'm not crying!!!! Please feel free to ask any questions to fill in any blanks I have left. Thank you all so much.

Source: http://www.ourfuturz.co.uk/pams_story.pdf